Work Life & Personal Effectiveness

‘My Top 10 Values As a Dad’

My core values as a Dad are something that have developed and continue to evolve during my journey as a Dad.

Some of my values are driven by my childhood experiences and an ongoing commitment for them not be repeated.

Other values are derived from conversations with other Dads who share the same challenges as myself.

Values can be defined as:

value
ˈvaljuː/
noun
  1. 1.
    the regard that something is held to deserve; the importance, worth, or usefulness of something.
    “your support is of great value”
    synonyms:

    meritworthusefulnessuseutilitypracticalityadvantagedesirabilitybenefitgainprofitgoodservicehelp, helpfulness, assistanceeffectivenessefficacyavailimportancesignificancepointsense;

    informalmileage
    “the value of adequate preparation cannot be understated”
  2. 2.
    principles or standards of behaviour; one’s judgement of what is important in life.
    “they internalize their parents’ rules and values”
    synonyms:

    principles, moral principles, ethics, moral code, morals, moral values, standards, moral standards, code of behaviour, rules of conduct, standards of behaviour

    “society’s values are passed on to us as children”
 
Presently my top 10 values as a Dad are:
 
  • To never hit my children – I refuse to follow the same path as my parents in hitting my children and controlling them through fear, rather to practice positive reinforcement and rewards.
  • To tell my daughters every single day that they are loved, beautiful and valued – it is my hope that this will build their inner confidence and self esteem. 
  • To be the best possible role model I can be – I appreciate that I am not perfect by any means but I want to try to be the best possible role model I can be to my daughters. To take pride in all that I do, to treat others as I would expect to be treated and to be kind and considerate.
  • To apologise to my daughters as soon as I realise I have done something wrong – my mother never, ever apologised to me for the wicked things she did to me. Being able to lead by example will hopefully teach my daughters the importance of making amends when they have made an error.
  • To not move locations if at all possible – although I am conscious that this is a hangover from my childhood of being moved around and the disruption it caused, this is not something I wish to do if possible.
  • To provide my daughters with the best possible education – after giving your own time the greatest gift you can give to your child is a good education and we have pushed ourselves to ensure we live in an area where our girls can go to good schools.
  • To provide a stable and safe home life – myself and High Command will have been married 10 years this August and together for 15 years. A successful marriage with young children is a incredibly challenging and takes courage and determination to get through the toughest of times – something we have had to work hard at.
  • To not make my children an extension of my success – as a child I was carted around the country to compete in national badminton competitions to demonstrate how good my mother was. I refuse to do the same and have ‘trophy children’ rather I want to strive to encourage my daughters to try different things and to enjoy whatever sports and hobbies they participate in.
  • To instil a healthy value of money in my children – my childhood involved great financial insecurity which combined with various financial challenges faced in my adult life, has resulted in me having unhealthy financial insecurities. Our wish is for our girls to appreciate the value of money and ascribe it to activities/time in which to earn it, without causing an unhealthy relationship with money.
  • To be a present Dad – my father worked away from home for seven years during my formative years as a child and although I now understand why he did what he did the impact on me was huge. For me I want to strive to be the present Dad I can be through having a flexible job that allows me to work from home, to do the school pick ups and drop offs, and to not miss the important things such as concerts, sports days and parent’s evenings.

As always I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic. What are your parenting values? What events and experiences have influenced the development of your values?

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15 thoughts on “‘My Top 10 Values As a Dad’”

    1. Being present is one of the toughest challenges I have being a Dad – I often find my mind wondering especially at the best of times let alone when I am with them – although I am getting better and even separating myself from my phone too 😉

  1. I love all of these! Particularly the one about children not being an extension of us. My overall aim is for my kids to know that my love is unconditional. That I will always be here for them no matter what.
    #thesatsesh

    1. Ah thank you. The extension thing really ruined me as a child and I am determined nit to repeat it myself as a parent. I read in Steve Biddulphs Raising Girls that one of the most important things I can give my daughter’s is a safe home so they have somewhere safe to come back to as they go out and explore the world.

  2. Oh now this is a very valuable list to make. Being present is so important, making sure they know they are loved too. I obviously found your point about education interesting too! I would add to instill an understanding of tools to help their mental and physical health (nutritious food, physical exercise, mindfulness practice etc). Thanks for linking up to #thesatsesh

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