Learning to Dad again
Parenting Work Life & Personal Effectiveness

Learning to Dad again

Learning to Dad again
Learning to Dad again

It’s a strange feeling realising the degree to which you have become dissociated from your family as a result of your job and the hours you have been working.

Not being present.

Your mind always being on other things rather than focusing on the moment of enjoying being with your family.

For me being the best Dad and Husband I can be is my number one priority but at some point over the last couple of years this has fallen down the pecking order of life.

This is primarily as a result of my work commitments.

Readers will know this is something that I have recently taken a bold move and addressed.

But part of me also has to accept since our youngest of three started the terrible two’s phase I have found being a Dad really, really tough.

As the saying goes ‘You will never regret having a third, but may do if you don’t’ is something I agree with and I wouldn’t swap my life.

However, taking that step up from two to three children was a much bigger leap than I ever envisaged.

Throw in a demanding corporate job and things became unsustainable.

I used to pride myself on being a confident and independent Dad, able to do anything with my girls.

Introducing a third into the mix however has changed things completely.

I lost the ability to be able to take all three out, to give High Command a rest.

Whenever I ventured out with the three of them they would be like the Red Arrows exploding in three opposite directions!

Couple this with a bad back that ‘goes’ when yanked on by a child, together with my own mental health fears and anxieties of something happening to them on my watch and it becomes increasingly more difficult .

As I begin a brand new chapter in my life of working from home and spending more time with my family it has dawned on me that there is a significant amount of rebuilding to do.

To reconnect and reintegrate within the family unit.

Part of me is frustrated at this.

That I have let things reach this point.

Another part is sad at the way things are.

Anyway they say the first step in addressing a problem is acknowledging and accepting that you have one so hopefully I can slowly learn to be a more hands on and happier Dad and Husband.

Have you ever found yourself having grown apart from you partner and kids?

What steps did you take to remedy the situation?

As always it would be great to hear from you with your comments below πŸ™‚

And don’t forget to connect with me on Facebook (Personal), Facebook Page, Twitter, Instagram, LinkedIn and Pintrest.

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24 thoughts on “Learning to Dad again”

  1. It’s really great that you recognised this and made adjustments; so many don’t. My father was not really present. I knew he loved us with all his heart but he was never home before 7pm each night. My Hubbie and I agreed to do things differently so he never missed a bathtime and he was always there to read a story. He was very hands-on and the result? We are a strong family who enjoys each other’s company. #globalblogging

    1. Thank you. It’s really good isn’t how we can use our own childhood to inform how we want to be different in our parenting. Bath time is something I have always tried to do but with the stress of my job it meant that I was there but not there and woukd huatvrush through everything to get back to my emails. Thankfully that is all changing now for the better πŸ™‚

  2. This all sounds very familiar. It is why we gave up life in the South East and bought Coombe Mill when ours were small. Just as well given we went on to have triplets down here too. Nothing is more important than family time. #dreamTeam

    1. Wow what an adventure to have taken on coombe mill. We are currently camping in Cornwall and the family who run the campsite are from Brum and have owned it for 14 years having bought it the first year we started coming. It’s one of mybpipe dreams to do but we are too settled in Nottingham. Triplets hey a handful and then some I imagine. I shall remember not to whinge about having 3 under 4 to you πŸ˜‰

  3. I only have one and am the one that’s at home the most so I can’t relate. But I can imagine it’s tough having to learn to adapt all over again. It will be interesting to see what other people say. Thanks for sharing with #TriumphantTales, do come back next week!

    1. It’s certainly getting easier and just sticking with it πŸ™‚ Thank you so much for taking the time to stop by πŸ™‚

  4. We went from two to four children following the birth of our twins, so can totally understand how everything changes. Seven years down the line and my husband and I still feel like we are taking a small army out every time we are all together! Saying that, we wouldn’t change it for the world, even though going on holiday is tricky! #triumphanttales

    1. Absolutely. The key advice we received was that you’ll never regret having having your chosen number but may regret it if you don’t. Thank you so much for taking the time to stop by πŸ™‚

  5. Thanks so much for linking up with me. It’s great to read posts from Dad’s perspective and I totally know how your feeling. Our kids are 13 and 15 now and Paul and I are definitely putting some conscious effort into reconnecting. So much attention gets focused on the kids for so long that it’s easy to loose touch with your partner. It gets better as the kids get older and more independent. It’s a cliche, but we do try to get out my ourselves sometimes (you could call it date night, but sometimes it’s just a walk in the afternoon, etc…)

    1. That’s so true spending time together as a couple doesn’t have to be all glam and glitz. Just the time to talk and catch is precious and so important πŸ™‚ Thank you so much for taking the time to stop by πŸ™‚

  6. I think it’s great that you’ve identified wanting to become more incorporated with the family unit, so many people never realize how removed you can become through the pressures of work and daily life. #GlobalBlogging

    1. Thank you. Yes glad it’s now and not another 10 years down the road when it’s too late. Thank you so much for taking the time to stop by πŸ™‚

  7. It sounds tough – you are, however, still a confident and independent dad. It might seem like the worst time, but just as you want to give High Command a break, you need to make sure you’ve factored in some ‘you’ time too. Just as the girls became much more manageable, understanding, better tempered etc. after a nap – you’ll be in a better place after some ‘me’ time (or a nap!) too. You got this – change is consistent. Roll with it.

  8. Hi Tom, finding that perfect place in life where work and commitments balance with family life is probably one of life’s biggest struggles. Take your eye off the ball and it goes in a totally different direction… My two are all grown up now, and it’s only now I’m starting to feel a distance between us as they start to concentrate on their own lives, which is just how it should be.

    Thank you for linking up with #keepingitreal.


    1. Yep. Balance is the watchword and a continually moving target in life. Thank you so much for taking the time to stop by πŸ™‚

  9. I think the fact that you are transforming your life for your family says you are a great dad. No parent is perfect it is hard. Thanks for sharing this with the #DreamTeam

    1. Thank you for your kind words it’s very much appreciated. And thank you so much for taking the time to stop by πŸ™‚

  10. I think the honesty in this post is really refreshing. It’s so difficult to keep everything in balance in life because all the different parts want to encroach further and further on our precious time. You are right, though – realising what is happening is the first step and it looks like you’re well on your way to readdressing the balance. I wish you lots of luck.

    And this post obviously really resonated with someone because they added it to the BlogCrush linky for some extra exposure! Congratulations! Feel free to grab your “I’ve been featured” blog badge πŸ™‚ #blogcrush

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